Wednesday, February 20, 2013

The Harder You Love

Before I get into my first blog post ever, let me first say that I've made my non-living guest blogging and writing essays for sites like Film Courage and The Guardian, and have decided to arrive late to the party with my own.

I wrote the below tweet the other day...

"The harder you love the harder your life. Period."

I typed it expecting the usual, you know, resistance - and I got my fair share - but it resonated with a surprising amount of people, which made me realize it could very well be the shittiest truth to ever exist.

Our entire lives we’re told by very smart and very inspiring people that doing things harder will bring us success, fulfillment, and happiness.

And they will.

But what we’re not told about is the other side of doing things harder, the side where the world, at least at first, turns a shoulder; that for every mountain of triumph there are deep wells of misery.

For those of you who choose to truly try harder, work harder, and love harder in life - just know that about 50% of your days will be spent in agony, or perceived agony. So if this sounds okay with you... then you're a very wise person.

It's okay with me. Even if you told me that 100% of my life would be miserable if I did things harder, I’d still take that life because I have no choice - I was born with the desire to do things harder; I literally can’t change that.

I’d be lying, though, if I said I didn’t secretly wish it were different. I just want to love the way I love without wondering when it’s going to hurt me, ya know? Just once - or at least consistently - I want to think and act like a normal, reasonable, rational person. I want my heart to just calm down. It’s more like I want a heart transplant. And I want that heart to be from a man who smiled every day of his life; who didn’t want great things, just good things; who never wanted what he didn’t have; who had no expectations or desires or dreams other than to give love to his family, his friends, and the world.

I may crave this languid life but I'll never have it. At the same time that twists my heart into knots I'm somehow at peace with it. The unknown. 
It's part of the beauty of life that we never know what dreams, what gifts, what light will come tomorrow. Or in 6 hours... or in 6 minutes... or in 6 seconds... or in…